Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Had A Bad Day

Yesterday was a rough day for me and my hopes for today being better are slim. I felt pretty good in the morning... as good as you can feel when you have been living with constant dizziness. Then the numbness and tingling started to increase and by the afternoon I could no longer drive or walk. By the end of the night I was laying flat on the floor in my living room.

Today I woke up as usual and went into the other room. On my way back to the living room I blacked out again. I was more aware this time and I felt like I knew what was happening as it happened. Everything went black, I dropped to my knees, and I feel over. I saw my vision clear and I sat up on the floor. It is probably the same thing that happened two weeks ago, only now I seem to be hyper-aware of any feelings that I'm going to pass out.

I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning. I'm not leaving until they find a way to get me in to see a neurologist sooner than July. I've got copies of my medical records from the ER, and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to get them to listen to me.

Speaking of the medical records, I found them quite interesting. The neurologist that examined me did not tell me anything, other than that he suspected MS. His report lists things such as "afferent pupil sign" and "pupillary escape." He also noted "left optic athrophy" and "positive Lhermitte's sign." He wrote that he "suspects probable first clinical episode of underlying demyelinating disease." However the MRI did not show any evidence of that.

The MRI did show a few interesting, possibly irrelevant, bits of information. Of course I have no idea what any of these things mean. There's a "reversal of the cervical lordosis" and "thecal sac effacement at C5-6." Then they found a "lipoma" or "hemangioma" in T1. Huh?

My brain MRI showed "an 8 to 9 mm area of microangiopathic change" located "anterior to the body of the right lateral ventricle." And then it says "no evidence of acute infarction." That's it. No evidence of MS or any other scary disorder.

Any experts out there want to interpret those results for me? I believe that the results probably mean "we can't find what is wrong with you." I guess I will know more if I ever get to see the neurologist.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts, prayers, encouragement, and information. I have dozens and dozens of emails that I need to read and respond to, but I just wanted to let everybody know that I appreciate the concern.

I'm alternating back and forth between feeling like I must be losing my mind and this is probably why people get committed, and knowing that there is no way that 16 days of unending dizziness, tingling, and numbness could be considered normal. I want to continue life as normal, and I'm trying, but it's so hard. And I feel like people will think I'm crazy because I look normal on the outside, it's just my world spinning around on the inside. I've actually laid really still and closed my eyes and just willed myself to stop being dizzy. Didn't work. See? I'm going to go crazy if this doesn't stop soon.

Oh, and I'm just impressed with all of you other bendy people! Maybe we should all start a little club of circus performing bloggers! Or maybe not. I'm strange enough already.
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