Monday, February 15, 2010

We Are In A State of Flux

First, let me thank you all. Thank you to each and every one of you who have prayed for my family, taken time to comment or email me, and become my friends. I really do consider you all my friends. It's been so wonderful to read through all of the supportive comments from last week. I really can't thank you enough.

Last week was probably the hardest week in recent memory. I am pretty sure I hit rock bottom. Things felt pretty hopeless and I felt pretty miserable. I'm usually optimistic and last week I just wasn't myself. Thoughts were swirling around in my head and I was busy being sick and hatching plans for big changes. It's not working for me to stay here during this deployment. I'm without any military support and that's proving to make my life even more difficult. My poor SIL just cannot be my sole source of support! The even bigger factor in all of this was the consideration of my empty house in Georgia.

I am pretty sure that I have confused everyone, even my own family, with my decision to return to Georgia. I hate Georgia summers and here I go, getting ready to endure another one! But it's all good. I'm growing more and more confident in my decision and I do believe that God is trying to tell me something. I'm not sure what I'm doing and I'm not sure what will happen, but I'm going to blindly trust in Him. Even if it means putting everything in storage and heading back to Georgia. I'm fully trusting that God will provide for us in ways that I can't imagine. Of course, I'm praying that this means my house will sell. He may have other plans. Who knows?

For right now, the crazy is just going to get crazier. I haven't finished unpacking yet and now we'll be packing up again. I don't know how I'll get through the next 6 weeks, but I do know that I have a lot of eager friends in Georgia who will keep us busy with play dates and trips to the park. I'm looking on the bright side. Now, if the house will just sell. Please, please, please let the house sell!

I'm exhausted just thinking about the future right now.
Are you totally confused? Want a brief rundown of how I ended up in this situation?

Abbreviated story: We lived in Georgia for 4 years. My husband left in January 2009 to go to school and do some training across the country. We were trying to sell our house at the time but had not gotten any offers. When a realtor contacted me about renting the house to a military family she knew, we accepted. We bought a house in Virginia, knowing that the market would never be so perfect for us to buy. We couldn't afford to move at any other time but because of all of the foreclosures, we found a huge house at a great deal. We jumped on it, knowing that we'd have to rent it out for a few years until we got to move back home when Jason left the Army.

In June 2009 I packed up all of our household goods and moved everything to Virginia with just the help of my SIL. The military would only pay to move us once and ultimately I needed them to move us to Washington when Jason returned from Iraq. So we had to move ourselves, at our expense, to Virginia. I spent the summer in Arizona (with Jason) and moved into this house in September.

Fast forward to January 2010. Jason is in Iraq and I'm in Virginia. I thought I'd be getting tons of help from family but that's just not the case. My mom works all the time and my extended family doesn't keep in touch, even though everyone is all in the same area. I left the familiarity and comfort of living in a military community for the love and support of family. I've gotten that from my SIL and her family, but have not gotten the support I need from anyone else.

To complicate matters even more, our tenants terminated their lease early and moved at the end of January. This left us with an empty house. We can rent it again but we lose money every month and then I'd just end up in the same situation whenever they moved out. Jason's coming home at the end of the year but he's stationed in Washington state. I have to sell the house in Georgia before I can move out there.

Renting out our house in Virginia now seems to be the best option, as much as it hurts. I don't want to leave my SIL and I had just started to settle in here. The kids' rooms are all painted and finished now and it's started to feel like home. But all I can think about is being with Jason. I have to see the forest through the trees. I have to plan now for what will happen when he returns and it boils down to this: I want to be with my husband.

So, for now, that means I move. Again. For the third time in less than a year.

I'm hoping that we can find a nice family to take care of our house here until we return. In the meantime I'll head down to Georgia with a few boxes of clothes and essentials and we'll make ourselves at home in our old house. And we'll pray that it sells. Fast.

My goal is to be in Georgia by the first of April. I never thought I'd miss Fort Gordon, but in a way it did become home for us. The kids are excited and of course the house in Georgia is the only home they've known (or remember.) It won't be the same to be there without our furniture, but we're used to adapting. The military has taught me to bloom where I'm planted. I can make the best of the situation with what little of our household goods we bring along. When we have less stuff, we always spend more time together as a family going places and doing new things. It's actually a good thing.

I don't regret moving to Virginia. I've become closer to my SIL and her family and I wouldn't trade that for the world! I love them so much! We also have a home to come back to in a few years. When (if?) Jason gets out of the military we can come home to Virginia. If nothing else, it's a good investment.

So, here we go again... Another move, another summer of traveling, another painful good-bye to friends and family in Virginia, a bittersweet return to Georgia, and a whole lot of change.
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