Thursday, February 19, 2009

Clearing My Head

Thank you all so much for your supportive comments. It means so much to me!

I've been thinking things through and I am feeling better about everything. I accepted a long time ago that my mother will always focus on my faults and always be first to point out my weaknesses. It's just her nature. She's not an evil person but she definitely has a knack for making people feel like crap.

My mom and I did have a discussion about everything and it went as well as could be expected. It's hard to have an adult conversation with her because she is very emotional and dramatic and she overreacts and interrupts. It's hard to get your point across.

One of the things she said was that the reason she is always criticizing me is because she thinks I am stressed out and she's trying to make things easier for me. What she doesn't realize (and I pointed it out her) is that she is the reason I'm stressed. When I visit her I am tense. My kids are in a different environment and I know I'm being "watched" so of course nothing is the same as it is when we are at home in our own house. Ask anyone who knows me in real life and they can tell you that I rarely lose my cool. I can take a lot of crap before I get really stressed. I am generally very patient with my children.

My mother had a hard time with just 2 children. She was not patient with us. Her job has always come before her family. She gets very stressed out by deadlines at work and she brings that home with her. She works long hours at times and as a result she is never in the mood to have children around. In her eyes, I think that children are meant to be seen and not heard. She is not the type of grandma who gets down on the ground to play. She has told me many times that she could never have handled 6 children. And trust me, it's the truth.

As a child I remember always feeling like I needed to work so hard to please my mom. I was the classic overachiever. And then things went south. I rebelled and we fought constantly. Eventually my mom sent me away and I lived with my dad while my brother stayed with her. My brother is her golden child and he can do no wrong. Unfortunately, my mom treats Matthew the same way that she treated me. She is quick to assume that he is the cause of any conflicts (often he is, but not always) and she has unrealistic expectations of him. He is a very, very smart kid. He knows what she's doing. He came to me last year and asked why grandma hates him. What do I say to that? I told him that I understood his feelings and that grandma just has a hard time showing her love sometimes.

My mom does love to show off her grandchildren. Her office is plastered with their pictures. It's obvious that she loves them but it really makes me feel like she only wants the associated attention. She will stop and talk to every person that will listen and looks for excuses to take the kids out (with me) when we visit. I hate the attention when I'm trying to get errands done and she can't understand that. We are such opposites. We are like oil and water.

I have had many, many arguments with my mom when I've been visiting her. I have tried to tell her that my parenting choices are different than hers but that doesn't mean that I think I know it all or that her choices were "wrong." It doesn't matter. She still gets defensive and angry whenever the discussion comes up. One night we were visiting and she was being particularly nasty so I took the kids and we all slept in my van. I drove up the street and parked the van and the kids (and the dog) and I just spent the night there. It is that bad sometimes.

Fortunately my mom is at work all day and I'm only staying here for 2 weeks. Tonight we are headed to my sister-in-law's house and we'll stay there until tomorrow night. My sister-in-law is fantastic. She loves kids, she's patient, and she understands what it's like to not get along with your mother since she's been through the same thing with her mom. We get along very well and I love her! Her husband is sweet and my kids absolutely adore her son. When I talk about moving to Virginia, it's because I want to be closer to her. She homeschools and she works from home so it's just a perfect situation.

Speaking of moving to Virginia, Jason had some news for me the other night. He talked to his commander and requested to have his orders changed so we won't be sent to Ft. Lewis. He asked for an assignment somewhere-anywhere- on the east coast. His first 2 choices were the DC area (home!!!) or to stay where we are in Georgia. I hate that my life is so full of unknowns. But it's the Army life and it's what we live, so I'm just trusting God to send us where we are meant to be sent. It does keeps things interesting, don't you think?

Did I mention that we woke up to see snow falling yesterday? My kids just love it here.

I'm determined to last through next weekend so I can make it to the Moms of Multiples consignment sale. If any of you are in the DC area next weekend, you should come by!

My mom will be coming home from work early next week so we can go to our church's pancake supper and spend some time together. I'm going to put on my happy face. If I disappear suddenly it either means I gave up and went home or I went completely crazy and they committed me. Either way, please send Hershey's Kisses.
Related Posts with Thumbnails