Yesterday we celebrated Joshua's sixth birthday. It's hard to believe that six years have passed since I held my little baby boy (ok, he was never little since he was 11 lbs, 1 oz at birth, but still...) for the first time and we became a family of four.
Today, Joshua is definitely the most sensitive, compassionate, generous boy that I have ever met. He loves to please others and he loves to give. You couldn't ask for a better brother in this family of 6 siblings. Last night he shared his birthday ice cream with each of them and gave them more than he even ate himself. At six years old, that is love. Sharing your ice cream sundae? That's a big deal!
It was bittersweet to celebrate yet another birthday without Jason here. It was even harder when I hadn't heard from him in days and wasn't even sure he'd get to call Joshua to wish him a happy birthday. Eventually he did call but it was cut short and he never called back. I hate that. It is really just a painful reminder of Jason's absence.
Joshua had a great day and I managed to throw together a Toy Story cake and cupcakes at the last minute. His big birthday plans were ruined when we got a last-minute call to show our house. We ended up cleaning the house and rushing to get out before the realtor arrived. Joshua didn't mind too much though.
I, on the other hand, am really sick of the house not selling. It's mentally and physically exhausting to keep the house ready for showings and then do the quick clean-up and evacuate on a moment's notice. Part of me wants to light a match and laugh hysterically as the house burns to the ground. Part of me wants to try to minimize our losses and just do my best to sell it. And part of me wants to drive away and worry about it later because my husband is coming back and I just want to be with him.
I'm choosing the third option.
I've really been struggling lately to understand where God is taking me in all of this chaos. What is He trying teaching me? How is this all going to end?
I know that I'll never have the answers. But it's only human nature to wonder. I want to think I'm in control of my life... but I'm not.
Why did I end up back in Georgia?
Why is the house not selling?
Why am I suffering from a random attack of dizziness?
Where are we going to live when we get to Washington?
I have no answers.
I'm going to go ahead and just blindly step out in faith again. I did that when we moved back to Georgia and I was never sure that I was making the right choice until I got here. And now I know that God brought me back here for a reason.
So now I'm packing up and heading to Washington, trusting that God will find a family for our house and find a house for our family.
The logistics of this impending trip have my head spinning. The prospect of driving across the country with a camper and 6 kids is daunting. But I think I can do it.
On Tuesday I went to pick up our new (to us) camper. It's a travel trailer with plenty of beds and space for all of us. It's not huge, but somehow when I went to the dealership to pick it up it looked as though it had grown to twice the size it had been when I first decided to get it.
I am wondering how I'm going to drive and tow a camper my myself. How will I park it? I'm more than a bit intimidated. In fact, I was so intimidated that I left the camper at the dealership and told them I'd be back to pick it up later in the week.
Now I have to work up the courage to go get it... And I'm still nervous!
I've decided that I'm going to find the biggest, emptiest parking lot in town and practice parking and backing up with the trailer attached until I'm comfortable enough to bring it home.
We've got less than 4 weeks until we leave Georgia (again!) and I am going to have to get really brave, really fast!
Last night I took six kids to Red Robin for a birthday dinner. By myself.
Maybe I am getting brave?
I'm thrilled to report that we survived. The kids were really well-behaved and Joshua had a bast. Right when they brought him his birthday ice cream sundae, Leila & Sarah both had to go potty. And then it hit me. I am by myself with 6 young children in a crowded restaurant. How do I take two little girls to the potty?
(See what I mean? Sometimes I don't think things all the way through!)
Fortunately I had already cleaned up the kids and the table and everyone was ready to leave. Joshua shared his ice cream and it was gone quite quickly. I ushered the kids out of the restaurant and into the parking lot where Nathan promptly did a full face-plant in a 4-inch puddle of rain water. He was drenched! But in the end, the girls made it to the van and used the fabulous pink potty just in time and we all made it home safe and sound.
Now, if I can handle that I am hoping I can handle a monumental road trip across the country in a camper...