I must be the absolutely biggest whiner in the world. Isn't that annoying? Some days I could find a dozen things to complain about and some days I don't do a good job of keeping it to myself.
Sometimes I forget how sweet it is to see Matthew's big, dimply grin. I am too busy noticing his outbursts instead.
It's hard to give enough positive attention to good behavior when it's so much easier to just react to the negative behavior instead. I'm always working on that one.
It's really tough to remember that diapers are just a stage and that my (almost 4-year old!) daughter will not be wearing them to college one day. (Right???) Because when there's poop on the ballet outfit or poop in the church pew, it's easy for me to see today and not what tomorrow will hold. Poop has a magical way of ruining my day. (Today it was both Sarah and the dog... double bonus!)Sometimes I look at Joshua and he reminds me so much of Jason that it breaks my heart all over again. But in a good, bittersweet kind of way. don't tell him that. He hates to see me sad.
Often I find myself wondering if my children are plotting against me... trying to drive me insane. Slowly pushing me toward the loony bin. Maybe they are. Or maybe they are just being energetic little kids.
Sometimes I let the day pass by too quickly without stealing a quiet moment with each child. When you're 84 years old, you don't do that. Just ask my Grandma.
There are days when I don't fully appreciate the joys of raising two sets of twins. It's easy to get caught up in the hard work and exhaustion. But they really are such a blessing. I know that. I just need to do a better job of remembering it when someone just poured yogurt on the kitchen floor and I step in it.
So I get it now. I'm totally and completely blessed and these incredible trials in my life right now are just going to make me stronger... makes us all stronger.
I finally heard from Jason after what felt like an eternity without communication. He also finally (3 months later!) received his trunk with his laptop in it. Now we can chat with each other on Skype, which is always wonderful.
In the midst of all that has been going on around here, we are facing another trial. My mom took a day off work to come out and play with the kids yesterday. We had a great time and I was so glad to spend time with her! We actually enjoyed being with each other and there were no arguments. It was awesome! Today she called to let me know that her recent mammogram showed a spot in one breast. My grandmother had breast cancer and a subsequent lumpectomy so I know that my mom is fearing the same. I'm scared for her but, much like with my kids' fears about Daddy's safety, I can't show it. I have to be positive and encouraging and optimistic.
Enjoy each day. Thank God for each moment. Appreciate it all even when you'd rather cross your arms, puff your bottom lip out, and pout.
I think I get it now.