Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Trusting in the Unknown

Lately I have found myself struggling with what the future holds for my family. I'm ashamed to admit that I have been quite resistant to the path God is leading us to take. Now that I'm starting to be able to think more clearly I have realized that He has been guiding me all along.

Last summer when we were waiting for Jason to receive his next assignment, I prayed for God's will to be done. I knew that the choice of where we would move and live for the next 2-3 years was a bigger decision than I was prepared to make. I didn't want the responsibility. It seemed so much easier to trust God. Only the problem was that it wasn't easy.

After praying that the Lord would send us where He needed us to go, Jason found out we were headed to Washington state. Our first reaction was shock. We'd requested an assignment on the east coast. Our second reaction was excitement at the prospect of living in the pacific northwest. But as we learned that Jason's new unit was scheduled to deploy in early 2010 that excitement dissipated. I found myself doubting God's plans.

I decided to make my own plans. I'd move to Virginia to be near family. Live separately from my husband for months just so I wouldn't be alone when he was deployed. Jason and I both tried to get the assignment changed. We asked to be stationed in Virginia but it just wasn't happening.

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I wanted my way. I wanted what felt right to me. Even though I told God last summer that I wanted Him to send me where He wanted me to be, I still changed my mind and tried to call the shots myself. It didn't work.

Maybe it's taken some family feuding for me to reevaluate my plans. Maybe it's the reminder that I'm not in control that has cleared my vision. Either way, I'm going to do what I said I'd do last summer. I'm just going to sit back and let Him drive. I'm going to stop trying to get my way and maybe then some good will come of all this.

So maybe I'm headed to Washington after all. Or maybe Virginia. Or maybe we'll stay in Georgia. Or perhaps somewhere in between. Who knows? But I'm just going to learn to let go, one way or the other!
For all of you Georgia gals who have so kindly offered to lend a helping hand, I may just take you up on that when Jason leaves again in a few weeks. Or maybe I'll just have to plan some playdates in the near future! I'm not near Atlanta but I'll be driving through twice just in the next week and we do visit there from time to time. Y'all are too sweet! (Did I sound southern when I said that? I'm totally not.)
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