Saturday, January 10, 2009

He's Gone

And I am ok.

It's still very surreal. It feels like he's just gone on one of his training exercises.

If I haven't returned your call or email, it's because I've been overwhelmed by it all! I'll get into my groove soon and get caught up. I started this very post 6 times before I could sit long enough to finish it!

When Jason left we all watched him carry his bags outside. Nobody was crying but there was this sad, heavy feeling in the air. We just moved around in silence. Finally, Sarah started to cry and said she wanted to go with him. That's when he lost it. And of course I finally let the tears fall too.

There were lots of hugs and kisses and Sarah continued to wail. Jason looked at me and said "I just need to go." That was it. He drove away as we all waved from the front door. I sobbed for a minute or two but then the girls were even more upset so I pulled it together and calmed them down.

And I haven't cried since. There was a moment at dinner when I saw Jason's empty chair and thought I might lose it, but I stayed strong. I'm doing my best to keep everything the same but the kids are definitely a bit "off." It's strange for them to see all of Daddy's things packed and gone.

I keep telling myself it's only until October. I can do this until October!

And just when I'm feeling like a strong Army wife, Leila has a diarrhea explosion all over the living room. And while I'm nursing a baby in the sling and attempting to wash her off in the tub, the dog starts cleaning up the mess. With, you know... his mouth. So then I'm frantically trying to clean the mess up and Jason calls. It's just a typical day in our house!

I'm taking it one day at a time. One moment at a time.

There may be some heavy drinking involved. (Just kidding!)

Actually, my saving grace today has been the Jumperoo. Fortunately I managed to get up into the attic and brought down the Jumperoo that we used with the girls. Nathan and Ryan love it! It bought me enough time to cook dinner so I call that a success! The babies sat in it and bounced while they checked out everything. It was new, it was interesting, and it kept their attention. I hope it works that well tomorrow too.

Just remember, if you ever come to visit our house, don't let the dog lick your face.
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