Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Is it September yet?

It's been crazier than usual lately in our house. For your reading enjoyment I'll keep the whining to a minimum. Maybe it's the heat that is making me more short-tempered these days?

For the Fourth of July our celebration was low-key. The girls were festively dressed in their red, white & blue. We cooked out on the grill but couldn't eat outside because A) it was too hot, B) there are too many bugs, and C) our beautiful gazebo was completely demolished in a recent storm so we have no shady spot on the patio anymore.

After dinner the kids and I enjoyed a red, white & blue Jell-o flag cake with fresh strawberries, blueberries, and whipped cream. Jell-o is perhaps one of the most vile creations as far as what it's made of, but geez, it tastes so good. The red was strawberry daquiri flavor and the white was pina colada. If I can't enjoy the real thing a Jell-o knockoff must suffice.

After dessert the kids donned their glow necklaces and bracelets and we waited for dusk. Jason lit a few sparklers which the kids really enjoyed! Then we loaded up the van and headed over to our "secret spot" to watch the fireworks away from the crowds.

Jason provided some pre-fireworks entertainment while we waited. The kids loved the fireworks and Sarah had to wave and say "hi" to each firework for the first 5 minutes of the show. That's her latest thing-she waves and says hi to inanimate objects. She's so silly! During the show the girls did something I've never seen them do before. They held hands and walked along together. Sure, they've held hands plenty of times but this was spontaneous and was their idea. It was a rare display of sisterly affection. It melted my heart. I caught it on video but didn't get any pictures so you'll just have to believe me when I say that it was the sweetest thing.

My darling eldest child has been such a handful lately. More so than usual. I know that he needs my constant attention but it's impossible for me to give him enough. I've actually struggled a lot with this lately, especially at night. I'm unable to sleep because of the intense pain from both pubic symphysis dysfunction and sciatica. Since the pain keeps me awake I lay there (or sometimes get up and sit on the couch) and worry about my life.

I feel so guilty that I'm bringing 2 new lives into this family when it will only mean less attention for my other 4 children. In some small way, I think I understand how mothers of higher order multiples feel. I also know that many of our favorite activities are coming to end when these babies arrive. No more taking the kids out to dinner or trips to the library. No more spontaneous trips to the park. I'm not even sure how I'm going to drive up to VA by myself when Jason leaves. It's enough to make me sick with worry. And lately it has been literally making me sick to my stomach sometimes.

Sometimes I just worry about the new babies and how they will be born. Whether they will be full term or not. Honestly, I know I have done a terrible job with my nutrition this time around. I'm not eating enough, not eating well, not remembering to take my supplements, and not drinking much water at all. And the worst part is that I KNOW I'm doing a crappy job but can't find the time to do better. If anything happens to these poor babies I will not be able to live with myself.

So here I am, stuck between wanting to do the best for my 4 children I already have and wanting to do the best for the 2 on the way. I'd LOVE to just rest and eat and drink all day and grow big, healthy babies. But my kids will burn down the house and kill each other if I even attempt it. I wish I could do a better job of taking care of everyone, myself included.

Sarah recently decided to show some interest in the potty. Leila has been interested for many months now. However, neither of them is really ready to give up diapers yet, much to my dismay. The boys were potty trained by 2 1/2 so I was hoping the girls would be faster. Maybe not?

Sarah was fascinated with the magnifying glass that she used to inspect her Little Mermaid snack container. It was a special prize for pooping in the potty. She was so proud!

Doesn't this boy look sweet? You'd never know any different unless you visited our house.

Matthew has taken a liking to my camera and I found these random pictures the other day. I guess he was taking pictures around the house. Not a bad picture of Joshua, huh?

Speaking of J, here's a funny little story. He had a neurologist appointment as a follow-up to his head injury a few months ago. Although I have always assumed he's just clumsy because of his big head, the pediatrician thought there might be something more going on. Yesterday the neuro checked him out and measured his head. It's above the 99th percentile! Bigger than MY head! The neuro concluded that I'm right, he has a big head and it makes him clumsy. He'll eventually grow into it.

While we were there J charmed the nurse and she gave him a stuffed puppy. Then he told the neuro that he looked like "Granddad with no hair" which is what the kids call my completely bald dad. We had a good laugh about that. When the neuro had Joshua run up the hallway we both laughed as Joshua narrowly avoided hitting his head on a table. At least they believe me when I say he does this all the time!

Here's another random picture from Matthew.

Apparently Joshua got in on the picture taking too. He's still got to learn the fine art of not decapitating your subjects.

In other news, here is another source of my continuing stress. Yes, I'm 7 months pregnant with twins and selling my house at the same time. God must have a sense of humor! We are still awaiting word on where we'll go next and when Jason will leave.

Here I am at 30 weeks. My fundal height was 44cm the last time I measured. Weight gain is just over 50 lbs. Baby A is still breech, B is still vertex. I swear that I look bigger in person than I do in these pictures. Much bigger. These (still nameless) babies are going to be here soon!

Life continues to move on by as I find myself struggling to hang on for the ride. Someone please wake me up when it's September. Or as the Green Day song goes, "when September ends..."

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